


Tab 2

by FunkMcLovin



Series: Soda Troll Series [2]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Alternia, Homestuck AU, no game
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-10
Updated: 2020-12-26
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:20:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27992901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FunkMcLovin/pseuds/FunkMcLovin
Summary: Pepsie Kowlah, Moooon Misste, and Docter Peppor, three good friends on Alternia, hatch a plan to make big bucks: They'll sell the sequel to The Empress's famous soda, Tab, making TAB 2.The only problem is, they only have a braincell and a half between them.AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is "Part 2" of the Soda Trolls series, but does not require knowledge of Part 1. Each "Part" of the Soda Troll fics are standalone.Pepsie belongs to Breezv and Docter belongs to danicalzone. Cherie belongs to Friskyfrittz.
Relationships: Docter Peppor c8<, Moooon <3< Pepsie
Series: Soda Troll Series [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2047217
Kudos: 9





	1. Pepsie's Plan

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Dani](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dani/gifts), [bree](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bree/gifts).

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pepsie has a plan to strike it rich.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is temporarily quirkless. I add quirks after I'm finished writing because I have dyslexia and use text-to-speech, and I was just so excited to share this that I didn't add them.

Moooon didn't much care for this plan, but she had to admit. Pepsie had her by the shame-globes.

MOOOON: I don't like this. It's risky. 

PEPSIE: You're being short-sighted, my good buddy. You're not looking at the big picture. You're limiting yourself to a series of events. You're torn up by the ever-present question... "What if it goes wrong?"

DOCTER: I think it sounds fun! :)

Moooon and Pepsie both looked at Docter witheringly. All three of them knew Docter would sign on to any plan, no matter how hare-brained.

MOOOON: Of course I'm thinking about "what if it goes wrong," because "if it goes wrong," we all get culled by drones, possibly on-sight. It's criminal. Theft. Copyright.

PEPSIE: Whoa whoa whoa! Who said anything about *crime?* We're just doin' some above-board "modern marketing" with a proven brand.

Moooon rolled her eyes. Pepsie changed course, knowing her jargonese wouldn't sway the stalwart limeblood.

PEPSIE: I know you want to add another inch or two to that big old horde of yours.

Moooon bit her lip. Her hoard... Her precious Money Pile. She loved how it sparkled... She imagined how it would look with Pepsie's ill-gotten gains on top.

MOOOON: GAH. Fine. Whatever. I'm in, but if things go south I'm blaming you.

Pepsie grinned, shaking Moooon's hand eagerly.

PEPSIE: Then we're in business!!

Docter seemed to know that his two best friends were excited, but not quite why. Nonetheless, he joined the three-way handshake, laughing good-naturedly.

DOCTER: Hahaha! Yeah! What are we doing, again?

Pepsie relinquished her grip on the compadres.

PEPSIE: Don't you see, Doc?

Pepsie swung her hand out dramatically, drawing the brim of her hat over her eyes, leaving only a foreboding grin.

PEPSIE: We're going to make Tab...

She paused. Tab- The empress's favorite drink and the second-most popular beverage on Carbonata as well as back home on Alternia.

PEPSIE: Tab.... TWO!

===

Pepsie Kowlah adjusted her top hat, straightening her bright blue jacket. Truth be told, she'd been planning this day for some time, having already requisitioned 100 cases of Tab 2 from her dealer. They all sat in a storage garage where the trio now stood.

PEPSIE: Well? Whaddya think?

She opened the garage door, flamboyantly gesturing at the stacks upon stacks of Tab 2. Docter meandered into the garage, cracking a box open. Within were cans of the pink drink, with the familiar "Tab" label with a "2" next to it that it looked like Pepsie might have drawn on herself. Moooon was unimpressed.

MOOOON: How do you get that tiny little tophat to stay on your head?

Pepsie rolled her eyes.

PEPSIE: I use clips.  
PEPSIE: But that's not important right now!

Docter cracked open a can, sipping the substance within. He nodded.

DOCTER: It's... Sharp. With a sort of...

Docter squinted, nodding sagely to himself, as though he was a sommilier of soda.

DOCTER: ...Tab-like aftertaste. And beforetaste.

PEPSIE: That's because it IS tab, dipshit.

Pepsie snatched the can from he unsuspecting fellow, downing the rest of it with a sound of satisfaction.

PEPSIE: It's just Tab that I added sugar to and re-packaged.

DOCTER: Oh, wow. But isn't there a sugar shortage right now?

Pepsie grinned.

PEPSIE: I have my dealer.

MOOOON: For the love of-  
MOOOON: Did you really get your sugar from HER?

Pepsie swiveled, putting a hand to her chest as though she were DEEPLY offended by Moooon's accusation.

PEPSIE: Cherie is a reputable vendor, thank you very much! Her sugar might not be...  
PEPSIE: Conventional?  
PEPSIE: But it's delicious and most importantly, non toxic. (Asterisk.)

Moooon squinted.

MOOOON: What do you mean, "asterisk."

PEPSIE: You know. An asterisk. Like a footnote.

MOOOON: So it's "non toxic, asterisk?"

PEPSIE: Right.

MOOOON: So what's the footnote?

PEPSIE: What?

MOOOON: The footnote. What's the qualifier?

PEPSIE: Moooon! Sweet Miss Misste. Don't you worry about the details! Let me sweat the small stuff! I didn't ask myself, because I, unlike SOME people, trust my friends! And Cherie is as good as they come.

Docter, who had just cracked open another can, nodded.

DOCTER: Yeah, Moooon! Lighten up! Take a sip. Seriously!

Moooon snatched the can from Docter, who flinched. Moooon wasn't normally a cautious one, but she was significantly more shrewd than stooges two and three were.

MOOOON: Relax. It's not like we need to disclose the ingredients on the label. As long as it tastes good and won't kill us, it's fine. Just don't drink too much.

Docter was glad the cans were pull-tab. He had trouble with normal bottle caps. Moooon gave him the can back and sighed.

MOOOON: Sorry, Pep. It's true you DID get all this together quick. So what's the plan for moving these bad boys?

Pepsie paused.

PEPSIE: Sorry? Plan? I figured we'd just... Sell it. Maybe in a stall?

MOOOON: Uh. A stall?  
MOOOON: No, this isn't just one of your run-of-the-mill travelling scams, Pep, this is an honest-to-god supply chain. We need a storefront, advertising, price points-

Pepsie began to sweat. Truth be told, she had just envisioned using her stand-by travelling cart to sell all of this stuff.

PEPSIE: C'mon, we don't need all that, do we? What's the big deal?

MOOOON: The big deal is that if we don't advertize, we won't be able to sell the product fast enough. There's a hundred cases here, what are we going to do? Sell them one by one?

PEPSIE: Um-

MOOOON: We need some brick-and-mortar service, here.

Pepsie tugged at her tie, flustered. Moooon was surprisingly knowledgeable about this. To both women's surprise, Docter spoke up.

DOCTER: We could use my shop.

Pepsie and Moooon blinked in unison.

PEPSIE: Your... Shop?

Docter took a long sip from the Tab, savoring the sweet drink.

DOCTER: Yeah. My shop. I haven't used it 'till now, but I have a storefront in the business district in the city.

PEPSIE: Docter. Why do you have a storefront?

Docter paused, looking at the ground for a moment before shrugging.

DOCTER: Impulse buy?

Pepsie and Moooon exchanged a look, shrugging as well. Docter WAS a blueblood. They generally had moolah to blow on such things.

PEPSIE: Forgive my skepticism, Doc, but I'm going to need some proof. Knowing you, we might be waltzing into a shop you just happened to squat in once.

In another absurd moment, Docter reached into his pocket, withdrawing his wallet. Loose FLARP reference sheets, broken glass, and a yo yo fell out, along with small coins and some lint. He didn't bother picking any of it up. From his wallet, he produced a tiny scrap of paper which he unfolded into a deed of sale, entitling him to a property with an address in the city. Upon reading the deed, Moooon and Pepsie, while confused, seemed satisfied.

MOOOON: Alright, well. Let's check it out.

===

The property wasn't great. It was a small, cramped space, a storefront with a single lounge area with counters along the back wall leading into the back room. Maybe 500 square feet in all. From the machinery in the back room, the place used to be a bakery. Dust caked the walls and surfaces and Pepsie looked doubtful.

PEPSIE: This is... Kind of grimy.

By contrast, Moooon looked pleased as punch.

MOOOON: This is perfect! Look at it. With a little paint, some dusting, this place'll be great! Just a little elbow grease.

That's what Pepsie was afraid of. Effort.

DOCTER: Thanks! I bought it myself.

Docter grinned proudly, hands behind his back. Moooon rubbed her hands together. Moooon had never been afraid of a little work and Docter looked eager just to be part of something. Pepsie bit her lip.

PEPSIE: I don't know, guys. I mean. Docter, it's nice, but wouldn't you rather use my traveling cart? I'm sure we could sell fast if we-

Docter cut her off, dragging something out from the back room.

DOCTER: Look! A real cash register!

He plopped it down on the front counter with a bang, he and Moooon excitedly surrounding it. Pepsie crossed her arms.

PEPSIE: Guys, come on. This place is dusty and gross.

MOOOON: It won't be after we fix the place up. C'mon, Pep, afraid of some hard work?

Pepsie blushed brightly, stamping her foot petulantly.

PEPSIE: No!! It's MY Tab 2, so we use MY cart!

Moooon and Docter paused, both staring at Pepsie. This only made Pepsie blush all the harder, her ears heating up.

PEPSIE: I mean it! My cart is JUST as good as any crummy storefront!

MOOOON: How are you going to match the speed of in-house storage, then? Are you just going to go all the way back to your little storage locker to get more if your cart runs out?

PEPSIE: I don't know, I'll... I'll just get a little wagon!

MOOOON: And if people steal from the wagon? In a storefront, we'd be able to store stuff in the back safely.

PEPSIE: I'll... Hire guards!

MOOOON: Okay, your plan sucks.

PEPSIE: It's not! It's EFFECTIVE and PRAGMATIC!

MOOOON: More like Fartmatic. Where's the flair? With a storefront we could paint it however we want.

PEPSIE: The flair is up your ass!

Pepsie and Moooon were now forehead-to-forehead, fists clenched. Despite being about half the mass of the big lug, Pepsie knew Moooon wouldn't ACTUALLY hurt her. Docter, cool as could be, stepped between them.

DOCTER: Ladies. Ladies!  
DOCTER: We've forgotten about the most beautiful tradition of decision-making in our wonderful culture.  
DOCTER: Democracy!

MOOOON: You mean put it to a vote?

DOCTER: Oh. Is THAT what democracy is?? I was going to say fight for it.  
DOCTER: But voting seems better. Less collateral.

PEPSIE: Ugh. No, because you two idiots will out-vote me. Why don't we make it simple? A game of Sickle, Trident, Hammer.

Moooon nodded, putting her fist in her palm.

MOOOON: Alright. On three.

DOCTER: Wait. Do you mean on "three" or right after "three?"

MOOOON: I mean on "three."

PEPSIE: Like one-two-three-go?

MOOOON: No! I mean one-two-THREE.

DOCTER: So on the last beat?

MOOOON: Right!

PEPSIE: Okay, wait- So which one is the "last" beat??

MOOOON: The LAST beat is "three."

DOCTER: Okay, so it'll be "one two," then shoot?

MOOOON: Yes.

PEPSIE: Wait, on TWO?

MOOOON: No, on THREE.

PEPSIE: Like this?

Pepsie closed her fist.

PEPSIE: One-two-THREE!

Pepsie threw the sign for "sickle," her forefinger bent like a hook. Moooon threw out the sign for hammer, her closed fist.

PEPSIE: Hey!! I wasn't ready!

MOOOON: Ha-ha! I won.

PEPSIE: That was a test run!!

Pepsie punched Moooon on the arm, forgetting what they'd been arguing about in the first place. Docter laughed at them as Moooon put Pepsie into a headlock, to which Pepsie flailed wildly like a cat in a sack.

Outside the storefront, the trolls nearby would hear the merriment going on within, without the slightest idea what lay in store for the now-benign shop, nor the three trolls within...


	2. Storefront

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Trio organize the storefront. Pepsie and Moooon ruminate on their unique bond.

Docter Peppor was a simple man. He liked company! Being around his friends made him happy, even it was doing monotonous work cleaning up a grimy storefront. Moooon, too, even though she loved to break things, didn't mind getting down and dirty doing some effort.

Pepsie Kowlah, on the other hand... Hated it.

PEPSIE: We've been cleaning this stupid store for days. Isn't it ready yet?

Pepsie leaned on a mop like she was about to collapse. Moooon shot her a dirty look.

MOOOON: Relax, shithead. This is only day two. After we clean, we have to fix the front window, then paint the place. Not to mention advertising and window dressing. And maybe some signage...

DOCTER: I know a guy who could make us some posters.

Pepsie wasn't convinced. She made a long, drawn out sigh, dramatically wiping her dry brow.

PEPSIE: It's just if we'd used the cart...

MOOOON: I don't get you, Kowlah. You've been bellyaching this whole time even though you're the one who got all the product to begin with. I know you're not allergic to hard work since you bust your ass hawking that sludge you sell off as vitamins.

PEPSIE: It IS vitamins. Sewage has PLENTY of vitamins!

To Pepsie's dismay, Moooon didn't take the bait. Moooon annoyed Pepsie to no end. The usual tricks that worked on her clients fell flat on Moooon, who was far too straightforward. Never had Pepsie met someone who had been so immune to her salesmanship.

MOOOON: Just mop, alright?

PEPSIE: Ugh. Can't you just... Lift the grime off the floor with your stupid psychic powers?

MOOOON: That's not how that works.

Docter, who was working on repairing the cash register, rubbed his chin.

DOCTER: I've always wondered, Moooon- You're an oliveblood, right?

MOOOON: Huh...? Uh. Y. Yeah.

DOCTER: Why is it that you have psychic powers, then? I didn't know olivebloods could do th- OW!

To Pepsie's surprise, Moooon had slugged Docter on the arm.

MOOOON: You know I don't like people asking about that shit, Doc. Shut up.

Docter took the hint, rubbing his arm. His curiosity was sated, his fear of punches overwhelming his need for answers. Pepsie, on the other hand, saw a golden opportunity to needle her friend to get out of chores.

PEPSIE: Is it because you're afraid the drones will cull a mutant olive?

Moooon rolled her eyes, gritting her teeth.

PEPSIE: I never see you use your powers, either! It's like you're hiding them. If anyone else was that powerful, they'd be bragging about it!

Docter swallowed, looking between his two compatriots.

DOCTER: Hey, Pep, I don't think-

PEPSIE: C'mon, Doc, you think it's weird, right? That she's ashamed of her own powers?

DOCTER: Pepsie, please don't.

PEPSIE: I saw her move an entire hive once. Remember that one, Moooon? An entire hive! I'd kill for power like-

Pepsie was cut off by a hand around her neck. It was easy to forget how powerful Moooon was. She was tall, of course, unnaturally so for an oliveblood, but she didn't look outwardly strong. Her arms were beefy, especially now, when she'd removed her denim jacket, revealing the tank top underneath.

Moooon had large, sharp teeth that filled her mouth more than normal, so big that when her mouth was closed her lips didn't touch so her chompers were bared at all times. Now, however, she was baring them for real. Pepsie's eyes widened.

MOOOON: Drop it.

Two syllables made Pepsie's spine shiver. Before she could squirm, Moooon dropped her. Behind the counter, Docter didn't dare make a sound. The air in the place turned chilly in seconds.

PEPSIE: S.

Pepsie didn't like saying it, but she felt like she'd really hurt Moooon's feelings. No matter how repulsive the word was, she spoke it.

PEPSIE: Sorry.

Moooon, back turned, replied sheepishly.

MOOOON: S'fine.

Unfortunately for Pepsie, her plan had backfired, as for the rest of the night, she mopped the floor without so much as another word.

===

The rest of the place got clean without incident. Well- Pepsie grumbled a lot, but her ambition was slowly beginning to overtake her laziness. Docter had even drawn up some posters to put in the windows and with Moooon's help, they erected a massive sign in neon above the place.

As they moved crates of soda into the shop via the back door, Pepsie giddily squealed.

PEPSIE: Guys, LOOK. There's already buzz on instaham about our shop! People are taking pictures and wondering what's opening.

MOOOON: Great! Looks like half of the product can be stored here and the other half in your storage garage. We might make some decent money after all.

PEPSIE: And you said my schemes sucked.

MOOOON: I mean, to be fair, this is less of a "scheme" and more of a "legitimate business plan."

Pepsie mused, rubbing her chin.

PEPSIE: Then perhaps you're right. We should add a flair of illegality to this.

DOCTER: Yeah! Flair of illegality!

MOOOON: No.

Pepsie and Docter both said "aww," disappointedly. Moooon rolled her eyes. She didn't like playing straightman to these bozos, but when it came to drones, she didn't take chances.

PEPSIE: I guess now that it's all moved, we can set up tomorrow.

Suddenly, Docter's face lit up.

DOCTER: Can I make a pyramid out of cans for the window dressing?

MOOOON: Yeah, that'd be great.

DOCTER: YESS!

Docter hastily got to work. The little fucker was surprisingly good at piling cans.

MOOOON: Just don't shake them!

As Docter continued construction on the Can Ziggurat, much to the amusement of the patrons outside, Moooon pulled Pepsie into the backroom.

MOOOON: Alright, let's go over the story again.

PEPSIE: Right! We tell people that Her Imperious Condescension rolled out a sequel to Tab and she entrusted ME with the recipe. Now I'm selling it to the fine people of Carbonata for three caegars a can. Two with our coupons or if they mention the billboard.

MOOOON: We have a billboard?

PEPSIE: We WILL have a billboard.

MOOOON: And if the drones come?

PEPSIE: They won't come!

MOOOON: But IF they come?

PEPSIE: The back door's open and we hoof it?

Moooon sighed.

PEPSIE: I don't know why you're so worried! Those drones are so old, they barely bother anyone. No one fixes them up, they're from when the colony was first formed!

MOOOON: They might be old, but they're in plenty good shape, trust me. Just get your scuttlebuggy and park it out back in case we need a getaway.

PEPSIE: I can't do that, dummy.

MOOOON: Why not?

PEPSIE: I sold it to buy all that Tab and "sugar," duh?

MOOOON: Why do you put air-quotes around sugar?  
MOOOON: Better question. Why did you sell your scuttlebuggy? Isn't that where you sleep? You already sold all the things in your hive. And your hive. And the land under your hive.

Pep rubbed her arm.

PEPSIE: I've got the storage space.

Moooon bit her lip. This girl was annoying. She wished there were so many things different about Pepsie and that she'd put some thought into her actions, but she couldn't help but care about her.

PEPSIE: Besides. I'll make enough back in this sc- In this "legitimate business enterprise" that it won't matter!

Pepsie smiled but Moooon knew it was fake. Without warning, Moooon tucked Pepsie into a headlock, much to Pepsie's alarm and confusion, immediately clawing at her beefy business partner.

PEPSIE: UHAND ME YOU LUG!

MOOOON: No.

PEPSIE: I'M HOMELESS, YOU SHOULD SHOW ME MORE COMPASSION!

MOOOON: You're not homeless, bulgeweed. You're staying at my hive.

PEPSIE: What?! Are you crazy, at that lousy lowblood- EEK!

Pepsie shrieked as Moooon squeezed tighter.

PEPSIE: Finefinefinefinefinefine!! Lemmego!!

Moooon let go, smirking. Pepsie brushed off her suit and picked up her hat, looking fake-angry.

PEPSIE: If. If you INSIST so much, I suppose I can stay with you if you're that DESPERATE.

Docter peeked in from the front. Moooon nodded at him and he slid away after seeing everything was settled. Moooon clapped Pepsie on the shoulder, dragging her out into the storefront where Docter had assembled a frankly impressively sized Tab-Ziggurat.

PEPSIE: Nice job, Docter. That'll get all kinds of engagement on Instaham. Maybe a hashtag. I can see it now- #Tab2.

DOCTER: Yep! And the coupons are going into print, as well. I can't wait until people's clammoring faces fill these brick-and-mortar walls with the squalls of desperate consumerism.

Pepsie and Moooon exchanged a look while Docter put his hands on his hips. Neither of them knew what to make of that. Docter turned back towards them, his four eyes squinting from how wide he was grinning.

DOCTER: Ladies, I would say this merits a celebratory Tab 2.

Before either woman could say a word, Docter plucked the bottom-most can from the pyramid, causing the whole delicate apparatus to fall over, a tidal wave of cans crushing their oblivious friend.

A single hand emerged from the resulting Tabvalanche, Doctor clutching his can till the very last. The spectators outside clicked their palmhusk cameras excitedly.

PEPSIE: Oh, Docter! That's good. Do a twitch for the camera like they do in the movies!

MOOOON: If you die, does that mean the profits get split two ways instead of three?


	3. Grand Opening

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Trio open their shop.
> 
> TW: Mild police violence.

PEPSIE: Come one come all! Step riiiiight up! Come see the Empress's new favorite beverage, now for a limited time!

Pepsie was in her element. Out in front of the shop, she was standing on a crate, waving her baton around, directing passersby into their humble little shop. "Tab 2" was certainly big news. Like Pepsie claimed, Tab was a popular substance on Alternia and Carbonata alike, one of the many sodas to be exported from their planet to homeworld.

PEPSIE: You there! You look like a cool guy, into the sort of thing that cool guys are into!

RANDOM OLIVEBLOOD: I... I am!

PEPSIE: Then you won't want to miss out on Tab 2!

The random oliveblood's eyes lit up as she scurried into the store. A line had already formed outside the place, wrapping around the corner of the block. Pepsie wasn't surprised when Docter hurried out, tugging on her coat sleeve.

DOCTER: Things are selling in there, Pep, we can barely keep up! We're almost out of product. Should we grab the rest from your storage?

PEPSIE: No! Of course not, Doc, don't you know about artificial scarcity? Sheesh. If we run out, it'll raise demand even MORE!

DOCTER: Right!

PEPSIE: At this rate, we'll make enough to have MORE Tab 2 made! Ha! We're RICH!

Docter grinned, hurrying back inside to help Moooon man the cash registers.

Unfortunately, Pepsie's high spirits evaporated when she saw someone approach. Someone... Familiar. Pepsie hopped off her crate, donning a saccharine smile as the familiar brownblood in question approached them.

PEPSIE: What seems to be the problem, officer?

The officer's name was Coffee Donuts. A portly troll on the verge of adulthood, he glared down at Pepsie. The two of them were familiar with each other, and not in a fun way- More in the "the former arrested the latter more than one occasion" way.

COFFEE: If you managed to get yourself a vendor's license, I'm going to be pretty impressed, Kowlah.

Coffee spoke gruffly, arms crossed.

COFFEE: You know you were banned from serving products by the department of commerce. No way in hell they'd give you a license after the Fizzy Lifting Drinks debacle.

PEPSIE: I was framed and you know it, you rat. But relax! I'm not the one with the license. If you haven't noticed, I'm not the one SELLING products. I'm but a humble employee of this legitimate establishment.

Coffee was unconvinced.

COFFEE: Whoever's your boss is either insane or stupid. Either that or you're behind this and weaseling out of this on a technicality.

COFFEE: Let's see this so-called boss's certificate, then.

A few patrons seemed a little intimidated that an officer of the law was here. Pepsie shot them a roguish smile, however, which seemed to ameliorate their feelings.

Pepsie waved Coffee inside.

On Carbonata, unlike homeworld, the force of the empress's drones was not very large. Where on Alternia there was a robust law enforcement system of Imperial Drones who doubled as genetic material collection and police force, on Carbonata, the colony baroness employed trolls to work as law enforcement. It was a thankless job, done by the burly brownbloods, but it was effective. Docter and Moooon, who were currently doing their best to sell people cans as fast as they could, paused once they saw Pepsie stroll in with Coffee.

MOOOON: What can we do for you, officer?

Moooon's voice was nervous. She wasn't a fan of law enforcement any more than she was a fan of drones.

COFFEE: Is this woman your employee, ma'am?

Coffee pointed at Pepsie, who winked.

MOOOON: She is. She's a halfway decent barker.

Coffee seemed doubtful, but he didn't make a comment.

COFFEE: Can I see the vendor's license and deed to this place?

Like the man asked, Docter produced the documents while the line watched and waited intently. Coffee seemed surprised, but returned the documents to Docter, who stowed them away in the safe beneath their countertop. Looks like he was satisfied, in spite of being incredulous.

COFFEE: Carry on then, folks. I'm just astounded that the Empress trusts the likes of Pepsie Kowlah with barking her products.

PEPSIE: See, Donuts? I'm a reputable member of society after all! Now relax. And- Take a can on the house!

Pepsie reached over the counter, tossing Coffee a can. He popped it open and drank it dubiously. The spectators inside the shop and looking inside through the window watched with bated breath for the cop's opinion.

After a long sip, Coffee nodded.

COFFEE: Not bad.

Pepsie grinned smugly. Moooon breathed a sigh of relief.

PEPSIE: See, guys? Totally above board. We're going to be rich!

MOOOON: Yeah, life's easier when you do things LEGALLY, huh, Pep?

PEPSIE: Maybe for once you're right, Moooon. And Doc, thanks for getting a vendor's license in time. Don't know how you did it.

Docter smiled, nodding.

DOCTER: Yeah, I sure did.

Docter winked at Pepsie, who suddenly felt a chill run down her spine.

PEPSIE: Uh, Doc. Can I talk to you in the back room?

Moooon, confused, nodded. She manned both cash registers, allowing Doc to step away. Pepsie tugged Docter into the backroom urgently.

PEPSIE: Doc. Tell me straight. Is that vendor's license legitimate?

DOCTER: Oh, yeah, Pep, totally!

Docter conspicuously winked, making the "ok" sign with his hands.

DOCTER: Totally 100% legitimate and not fake in the slightest!

Pepsie's heart sank. Fuck. So much for above board.

DOCTER: I mean- Um- Okay, no, they're not legit. I got them from the same guy who made the posters.

DOCTER: But that's okay. Right?

Pepsie took Docter by the shoulders.

PEPSIE: Docter. Look. I can't get caught without a license again. You two will get a fine and vendor's rights taken away, but if they catch ME, I'll be SCREWED. I'll be locked up! Or CULLED.

DOCTER: Wait, really?

DOCTER: How do you normally get away with not having one?

PEPSIE: I lie! I tell them my business partners were the ones who didn't get the license and THEY go to jail instead!

PEPSIE: I can't do that THIS time because THIS time my business partners are my FRIENDS.

DOCTER: Aww!

DOCTER: I mean. Oh, shit.

Pepsie dragged her fingers down her face.

PEPSIE: It's fine. It's fine! That lunkhead Coffee couldn't tell it was a fake, it'll probably be fine as long as-

Moooon peeked her head into the back room.

MOOOON: Uh, guys?

Pepsie and Docter swiveled to look at her, the color gone from their faces.

MOOOON: The cop's back. He needs the documents again to make copies to take back to the station.

PEPSIE: Stall him!

To Moooon's shock, Pepsie slammed the door in Moooon's face.

DOCTER: What are we gonna do??

PEPSIE: I don't know! I wasn't the one who said you could get a license quickly! Fuck!

PEPSIE: Is this how you guys feel when I scam you?

DOCTER: Probably.

PEPSIE: Ugh.

Pepsie wracked her brains.

DOCTER: We could say something happened to the documents?

PEPSIE: No, no! Then we'd have to shut down the shop! We can't do that, I need the money, I-

Pepsie made an aggravated sound.

DOCTER: We could kill him.

PEPSIE: This is no time for jokes, Docter. This is serious.

DOCTER: It wasn't a j-

PEPSIE: I've got it!

Pepsie cut Docter off, snapping her fingers.

===

Outside, Moooon was annoyed. The customers were getting impatient with her, and on top of that, officer Coffee was being. Weird.

COFFEE: Yeah, so basically, I've arrested like a dozen people this week alone. I'm pretty much the best cop down at the station.

MOOOON: ...Right.

This guy seriously had no game whatsoever. The onlookers were cringing at his attempts to flush-flirt with Moooon, but Moooon was sitting there taking it, all so her stupid friends could plot in the back room.

COFFEE: I mean it makes sense. Brown bloods like me are big, but, like. I'm BIG, y'know? Look at these muscles.

Moooon indeed looked at the muscles. They were... Fine, she guessed. She was no slouch when it came to muscles, herself, so this guy wasn't impressing her like he might impress a willowy yellowblood. She wasn't really into brawn, either, but she made a halfhearted swoon.

MOOOON: Oh, woooow...

COFFEE: It's because of all the things I lift. I can lift like, ten or twelve things, all at once. Maybe more.

On the bright side, this guy seemed to be distracted enough by his boasting to not be worried about the documents. To Moooon's extreme relief, Docter and Pepsie emerged from the backroom.

DOCTER: PSST-

MOOOON: One second, officer.

Mooooon ducked into the back room, infinitely relieved to escape this creep's advances.

MOOOON: Okay, what's the plan? I'm assuming from Docter's shitty winking that the documents are bullshit.

DOCTER: It's not shitty! It's furtive and covert.

PEPSIE: Yeah, the documents are crap. The deed is fine, but the license was a fake. So we need to get him off our backs.

MOOOON: No shit. He's the most obnoxious jerk I've ever met.

PEPSIE: Oof.

DOCTER: Yikes.

MOOOON: What?

Pepsie and Docter exchanged a look.

PEPSIE: See, uh- The plan is. You try to romance him. Take him on a date.

Pepsie spoke slowly, as though she were breaking it to Moooon easily.

PEPSIE: Docter can get ahold of a REAL license today, but we need to stall Coffee until he comes back.

MOOOON: Stall him. So. What, I go out with him until the shop closes? Why do I have to do it??

PEPSIE: Because he hates me and Docter is the "boss" since the documents are in his name!

Moooon grit her teeth, looking back at the door.

MOOOON: ...Fine. But you owe me, Pepsie.

PEPSIE: I'm sure he's not as bad as he seems!! Just. Get out there and flirt a little, he's a total sucker!

Moooon blushed furiously, putting her face into her hands. She clearly didn't feel anything for the big galoot. She hated people with inflated egos. Moooon punched Pepsie on the arm, hard.

MOOOON: I get half of your cut for today's wages.

PEPSIE: What! Don't be ridiculous, I- OW!

Another punch. Pepsie grumbled.

PEPSIE: FINE. Ugh. Just go talk to your new boyfriend.

Moooon, still blushing, opened the door, walking out. Coffee perked up as the trio re-emerged.

COFFEE: Aw, hey. Nice. I was just talking about my workout routine.

Moooon wasn't a flirtatious type. She hated the cloying fakeness of it, so when she spoke it was with a stilted, emotionless intonation.

MOOOON: Hey. Big boy. You want to- To, uh, you and me, maybe go out and- Do somethin' fun for. For the next few hours?

Moooon looked back at Pepsie and Docter painfully. They both gave her sheepish thumbs-ups. It appeared that Coffee was absolutely oblivious, for he hastily nodded, grabbing Moooon's hand suddenly.

COFFEE: I know a great place, babe, let's get out of here.

PEPSIE: Bye, Moooon! Have a good date!

Moooon's expression when she looked back, being dragged out of the shop was enough to make Pepsie fall silent.

===

COFFEE: ...so then I chased him on foot into someone's lawnring. I really gave it to him then. He must have been two spans tall- No, three.

MOOOON: ...Mhm.

COFFEE: Anyways, that's the story of how I beat the Cholerbear. Are you impressed?

MOOOON: I have to hold in my every swoon.

COFFEE: Aw, babe. You don't have to do that for me. Your swoons won't get annoying.

Moooon and Coffee were laying on a blanket in the park. For the last half-hour, Moooon had heard only Coffee's self-aggrandizing stories and they were starting to go from "annoying" to "face-punchingly grating." 

COFFEE: God, this is fun. You're a good listener.

Coffee grinned. As he swung his head, his handlebar-shaped horns smacked Moooon in the face.

COFFEE: Whoops. Better watch yourself, babe.

MOOOON: ...My bad.

It was hard not to speak through gritted teeth.

COFFEE: But, seriously, we should do this again sometime. I'd better get back to your shop, though, to get copies of your documents.

MOOOON: No!

Moooon spoke hastily. If he went back, this whole stupid plan would be for nothing! All her suffering for no reason! She hesitated.

MOOOON: We should go, uh, to this little cafe I know about.

COFFEE: Cafe?

Coffee looked flattered, but doubtful.

MOOOON: Yeah. Then after that, uh-

Moooon grit her teeth, fist clenching.

MOOOON: We can go back to my hive.

Coffee's beady eyes lit up.

COFFEE: Whoa, I don't know, toots. I'm a lot to handle, y'know.

Moooon fought the urge to strangle this man.

MOOOON: I'm sure I can, ngh. Handle it.

MOOOON: Baby.

Moooon felt like she might puke.

COFFEE: Heh. Well don't blame me if you can't walk in the morning.

Coffee stood up and Moooon followed suit.

===

DOCTER: Do you think Moooon's okay?

Docter spoke over the din of customers in line. Pepsie was now behind the counter, helping him since Moooon was gone.

PEPSIE: She'll be fine! I'm sure captain dickweed is easy to charm. She's not... Super charming, but I doubt he gets much action.

DOCTER: I feel bad... She only has to deal with him because I got fake credentials.

PEPSIE: That'll be three caegars- Thanks!

PEPSIE: Yeah, I guess. But you can't blame yourself, buddy. We just have to do what we can. You can't beat yourself up over what happens because of what you did!

DOCTER: I mean. Shouldn't you? If you made a mistake, shouldn't you try to be better next time?

PEPSIE: Huh? Are you crazy?? If you make a mistake, you shouldn't "learn" from it. You should blame the world for not being able to handle you!

Docter handed six cans to an eager customer. Only about a case was left.

DOCTER: I don't know about that. We're people, Pepsie. With free will. If we make mistakes, it's up to us to fix them.

Pepsie was quiet for a moment, silently taking a customer's money.

PEPSIE: I guess?

PEPSIE: I'm just doing what I feel like, though. It's not my fault I feel that way, I've got a right to do whatever I want.

DOCTER: Right! Everyone does, but-

Docter handed a can away.

DOCTER: Don't you think it's our responsibility to help each other, too? We have free will, so we're not just slaves to our wants, after all.

Before Pepsie could respond, Docter spoke loudly to the crowd.

DOCTER: Sorry everyone! We're out of Tab 2 for the day!! We'll have plenty more tomorrow!

The crowd grumbled, but everyone filed out. Pepsie was silent as Docter turned the open sign around.

PEPSIE: I don't know what you're talking about, Docter.

Pepsie was surprisingly quiet and serious, for once.

PEPSIE: Everyone else gets to do whatever they want but I have to apologize for it? Why do I have to be responsible?

Docter blinked. He wasn't sure what to say.

DOCTER: I... I'm sorry about the documents, Pepsie, I-

PEPSIE: It's not about the fucking documents!

Docter's eyes went wide.

PEPSIE: Just- It's fine. Don't feel bad. That's all I mean. Don't go beating yourself up about "mistakes" or whatever. "Mistakes" is just a word people use when they can't handle how awesome you are. Let's just clean up and close.

Docter nodded, not quite sure what to make of the outburst.

===

On their way to the cafe, Coffee hadn't stopped speaking. Moooon, on the bright side, was getting good at tuning him out, offering a non-committal "huh," or "oh, wow," every few sentences.

COFFEE: ...Anyway, I might've been unarmed, but they were no match for me. And- Huh?

Coffee stopped. Moooon looked up in surprise. Were they there already? No, but Coffee was looking across the street.

COFFEE: Looks like we've got a situation.

Coffee was looking at a panhandler, sitting on the cement, asking passersby for a few coins.

MOOOON: Situation? Do you... Know him?

COFFEE: Know him? No? But look, he's panhandling. Asking for handouts.

Moooon frowned, narrowing her eyes.

MOOOON: He's not doing anything, though. He's just sitting there.

COFFEE: "Not doing anything?" Ha. He's bringing down the whole block with his filth. You wouldn't want scum like him in front of your store, would you?

MOOOON: Scum? He's just- Hey!

Coffee left, trotting across the street calling out to the panhandler.

COFFEE: You, citizen! Stand up! Let's see some ID.

The panhandler was a scrawny-looking lowblood who regarded the cop with fear.

MOOOON: Hey. Come on, seriously, look at him, he's tiny. He's not hurting anyone.

COFFEE: Stand back. You never know when THESE types have weapons. I said show some ID, scoundrel!

The panhandler shook like a leaf, shaking his head.

PANHANDLER: I don't have it, buddy, I- Look, I'll leave, okay?

COFFEE: Did you just call me "buddy?"

The panhandler swallowed, his voice meek, unable to meet the officer's eyes.

COFFEE: You're displaying a great deal of furtive behavior, young man, you'd better show me some ID before I-

Before Coffee could reach for his weapon. Moooon grasped Coffee's wrist.

MOOOON: Don't.

The panhandler's eyes went wide. Taking the chance, he scurried away, his can full of caegars jangling.

COFFEE: Hey- Don't- What are you doing? The culprit is getting away! Don't interfere with police business!

MOOOON: He's a "culprit" now? For being homeless?

COFFEE: Look, don't give me that bleeding-heart bull, let go or I'll be forced to... To use force!

Moooon didn't care about the storefront, now. She didn't know WHAT she cared about. She didn't know if it was just that she was at the end of her rope with this guy or if she felt for the poor panhandler, but she snapped.

Moooon, not speaking, plucked Coffee's gun from his belt, tossing it inertly into a nearby bush.

COFFEE: Hey-!

She then took his arm, and with her substantially more buff arm, twisted it behind his back, doing so with his other arm. He shrieked in pain.

MOOOON: Listen carefully.

He didn't move for fear of breaking his limbs, whimpering like a wiggler.

COFFEE: U-unhand me, you!! I can't believe someone with your stature would stand up for- OW!

MOOOON: I'm going to break your arms if you don't shut the fuck up.

COFFEE: Eep!

MOOOON: You're pathetic. Where's all that strength from before, Mr. "Wrestled a Cholerbear?"

Moooon sneered.

COFFEE: Y-you can't do this to me, I'll- I'll have more people come and arrest you! I know where you work!

MOOOON: Yeah? You're going to tell your cop buddies that you got your ass kicked by ME?

COFFEE: I...

MOOOON: I don't think so. You're going to keep your mouth nice and tight, otherwise your pals are going to know just how bullshit your tall tales are.

COFFEE: N-no! C'mon, let me go-!

MOOOON: Just shut up and go home. I'll see you tomorrow when you come pick up your stupid documents.

With that, in spite of Coffee's pathetic shrieks, Moooon leaned back, and using his arms for leverage, suplexed him onto the concrete.

===

Just as Pepsie and Docter had locked the door behind them, Moooon approached the shop.

PEPSIE: How'd it go?

Moooon, to their surprise, was smiling broadly.

MOOOON: Great, actually!

DOCTER: G... Great? Like. You're going to really date him?

Moooon laughed, smacking her knee. Docter and Pepsie exchanged a confused look.

MOOOON: He'll be by tomorrow to pick up his papers. Just make sure we have legit ones.

DOCTER: Right! And, um- Sorry again, Moooon.

MOOOON: S'okay, little man. It all worked out in the end.

PEPSIE: Seriously, though, what happened? You looked pissed when you left with him.

MOOOON: Pepsie.

Moooon put an arm around Pep's shoulder, ruffling her hair.

MOOOON: Don't you worry about it. I held up my end- I'll even be nice and let you keep your whole cut of the spoils from today!

Moooon laughed as she and her baffled friends walked off into the sunrise.


	4. Tab 2 Anonymous

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Trio discover a strange quirk in their formula.

Things had been progressing smoothly. Since the grand opening, business had died down, but within reason. There were no more lines out the door, but the trio at the Tab 2 parlor were making a good turnover. Suspiciously good, in fact.

RANDOM INDIGO: Th-thanks guys!

An indigoblood bought their last can, clutching it happily to her chest. A few other people remained in line, and Moooon had to tell them that they'd just run out. The people in line groaned, looking sullen, shuffling out sadly.

They'd sold out every day they'd been in business, a whole backroom full cleared out per day! Pepsie had to make more and more, and they were struggling to even keep up. Even so, business was good and the hard work was worth every shiny caegar. Still- Moooon had something eating at her.

MOOOON: I don't get it.

After flipping the open sign around, Moooon scratched her chin thoughtfully.

PEPSIE: What's not to get, Moooon? We're the most popular beverage on the planet!

MOOOON: Don't get me wrong. I'm not complaining about sitting on a bigger pile of caegars. But isn't it... Weird?

Pepsie shrugged, counting the money. She clearly didn't think anything was weird about getting shitloads of money. This might possibly be the first scam that had actually panned out for her. Docter, on the other hand was drawn in by Moooon's musing.

DOCTER: You've got a point. I mean, we're not a shop, we just sell one product. We're just a dispensary. It's weird that a single product is getting so much hype.

MOOOON: Exactly. We were supposed to sell our stock and then close up, but we've been in business for nearly a perigee.

Docter wandered into the back room as Moooon locked the front door.

MOOOON: Again- Not complaining. I just wonder why this stuff is so popular. It's just regular tab with artificial sugar added.

PEPSIE: You've got a point. We might as well figure out what we're doing right if we're going to keep making the stuff.

Docter emerged from the back room, looking nervous.

DOCTER: Hey, uh- Are we out of Tab 2?

MOOOON: Yeah. Sold out today, again.

DOCTER: Do we have any in storage?

PEPSIE: Nope. We're not getting more until tomorrow when I can get more sugar from Cherie.

Docter scratched his neck furtively. He'd been drinking from their supply all month and when he didn't have access to one, he started acting strangely.

DOCTER: Seriously. Just. Just one can?

Moooon looked worried, dots connecting in her head.

MOOOON: Pepsie, have you had any Tab 2 recently?

PEPSIE: No. Don't get high on your own supply, duh. Plus I don't like the sweet stuff. What about you?

MOOOON: I haven't had much. I sampled it in the beginning, but I've been drinking Faygo.

DOCTER: S-seriously, I need a can. Please. We've gotta have one somewhere...

Pepsie and Moooon looked at each other, eyebrows raised. Docter began digging through the cardboard boxes in back desperately, his eyes wide with terror.

MOOOON: Doc? Settle down. It's- It's just soda.

DOCTER: I know! I know, just- FUCK, where IS it? If I don't get a can I'm going to tear- AH!

The blueblood managed to find a singular stray can. When he found it he looked like a lusus being reunited with its wiggler.

Moooon pulled Pepsie aside urgently as Docter sucked down the beverage happily.

MOOOON: Pep. I think we accidentally got the city addicted to drug-soda.

===

Pepsie's dealer was a shady businesswoman by the name of Cherie Coolah. The Kowlahs and Coolahs had been long-time business partners, their ancestors allegedly going into business with one another long ago when Carbonata was first formed. Even so, the two of them had very different modes of business. Where Pepsie was a renowned snakeoilsman, Cherie was more reputable but no less shady- Selling sugar substitutes to every soda seller across the tiny globe. It was a lucrative business ever since the Barapan sugar mines dried up, and Cherie was rolling in cash.

After Moooon got Docter home safely, Pepsie called Cherie up urgently.

CHERIE: Make it quick, Pepsie. I have a meeting in ten minutes. If this is about the shipment of sugar, it'll be at your storage garage tomorrow.

Cherie, in spite of being a lowblood, was rather sassy. She'd risen far above her station, which, on Carbonata wasn't that odd, but even so, Pepsie got a little annoyed by her brusque tone.

PEPSIE: This won't take long.

PEPSIE: The sugar you sold me, Cherie-

PEPSIE: Is it... Addictive?

There was silence on the other line for a moment.

CHERIE: I thought we agreed on a strict "no unnecessary questions" agreement, Miss Kowlah.

Cherie's cageyness was enough to confirm Pepsie's fears.

CHERIE: But if you must know, yes. It was a failed experiment. I told you. It's not consumer-grade.

CHERIE: They used to use it to keep mine workers to keep digging back on old Carbonata.

Fuck. Pepsie rubbed the bridge of her nose.

PEPSIE: When you said "not consumer grade" I assumed you meant "cheap and shitty," not "literally fucking addictive!"

Cherie scoffed.

CHERIE: You didn't ask!

CHERIE: Besides, it's not like it's permanent! It'll wear off after withdrawal. It's not like you got a bunch of people hooked, right?

It was Pepsie's turn to fall silent. Cherie groaned.

CHERIE: Alright, look. I didn't sell you that sugar. We haven't seen each other in months. Capische?

Click. Looks like Cherie was more interested in covering her own ass than helping out Pepsie. She wasn't betrayed or anything, this was a houndbeast-eat-barkbeast world, after all.

Pepsie raked her hands down her face. This sucked. She'd just gotten the whole stupid town addicted to cola! If she'd thought of that herself, she would have been proud, but since it was happening to her without a plan, it was not ideal. While it was good they had repeat customers and Pepsie didn't mind getting some suckers addicted to her goods, it was clear that this business model wasn't sustainable. It wasn't like the sugar would last forever, and after that, they'd just have run-of-the-mill Tab. On top of that, they couldn't contract a factory to make the stuff since it was illegal!

Pepsie chewed her lip. At least "too much business" was a good problem to have.

In theory, anyway.

===

While Pepsie called Cherie, Moooon was taking Docter home.

DOCTER: I can't believe I got addicted to soda.

DOCTER: I kept wondering why I kept drinking it even though it was gross!

DOCTER: Am I going to be okay?

MOOOON: Yeah. It's probably going to suck ass, though. After I get you home, I'm going to be seeing a doctor about addiction. Pepsie gave me a sample of the sugar.

DOCTER: You're going to see me about it?

MOOOON: No, Docter. A Doctor.

DOCTER: Oh! Your doctor's name is Docter, too?

MOOOON: No, his-

MOOOON: I'm seeing doctor about the sugar.

DOCTER: What about the sugar?

Moooon put her hand over her face.

MOOOON: I'm consulting with an expert about the sugar.

DOCTER: Oh! Right. Why didn't you say so?

They arrived at Docter's hive, and Moooon punched him on the arm before leaving.

Moooon walked pretty much everywhere she went lately. It was calming, taking walks. When she lived back on homeworld, she'd fly around instead, using her psychic powers, powers she didn't feel safe using any more. So she walked. Luckily, the walk to the office wasn't far. She entered, the bell jingling. Sick trolls sat in the waiting area, some doubled over with stomach aches, one with a knitting needle lodged in his shoulder. Standard fare for the office. Moooon felt strange here.

The office was sterile and beige, standard fare for doctor's offices on Alternia and Carbonata. The mediculler profession wasn't the most well-staffed, so generally the waits were long and often fruitless. Moooon, however, was a special case.

Her doctor was the only person on Carbonata who knew her secret, the secret of her blood, so when she had to get a checkup she always felt strange- Seen. Still. It wasn't unpleasant, being able to drop her facade.

MISTER: Moooon?

Moooon looked up. From the door to the offices, the doctor poked his head out. The Doctor, an adult tealblood named Mister Peubbh, waved Moooon in. Moooon slipped into the office with him, much to the chagrin of some of the much more outwardly injured trolls who'd been waiting longer.

MISTER: You okay? Your checkup came back fine, it's only been two perigees.

MOOOON: Nah- Today's visit isn't about me, it's about this.

Moooon produced a baggie of Tab 2's sugar, putting it on the table. Mister raised his eyebrows.

MISTER: I'm not much of a nutritionist. What am I supposed to do with this?

MOOOON: One of my business partners used this as an ingredient in one of her products, and it turns out it's... Addictive.

MISTER: Ah. Addictive sugar substitute. I haven't seen something like this since the old days.

MOOOON: So you know what it is?

MISTER: It could be a couple things. I'm no expert, but I'd have to send it to a chemist. I'm assuming you want to find out what's in it to get an idea of the symptoms.

MOOOON: Yeah. Eventually we're going to have to stop production, and we want to know how fucked the people will be once they can't get their fix. Plus one of our friends is addicted.

MISTER: Oof. Well I hope you can keep making it for a few days, the results won't be in until then.

Moooon sighed. Looks like they were stuck making more Tab 2 until they could figure out how to reverse it.

MISTER: What are you going to do if it's dangerous?

MOOOON: Well. Once we can't make any more, we'll add some... Anti-addiction drug to the final shipment? I don't know. We're kind of in over our heads, here.

MISTER: So it seems. Like I said- I'll send in this sample. At least then you'll know what you're dealing with.

Moooon stood up, nodding. She felt bad for holding up the line in the waiting room, but seeing Mister made her feel less awful about unwittingly addicting an entire city to their scam-beverage.

===

The next morning, before opening up shop, the trio had a meeting. Docter was fidgeting, looking furtively at the boxes full of Tab 2 lining the walls of the back room.

PEPSIE: Cherie confirmed it. The stuff's addictive. Worse, I scared her off, so this shipment is the last batch. I've got about three days' worth of Tab 2 left.

MOOOON: And I sent a sample in to a chemist to get an analysis. Then we can- Docter!

Docter had opened a box, whining. He looked pale, his skin a clammy shade. He whined like a kicked puppy.

MOOOON: He can't work here. He's going to drink the whole stock. Pepsie...

Pepsie and Moooon nodded to each other. Docter, shuffling his feet, looked at them nervously.

PEPSIE: Docter! Buddy. Let's play a little game- If you win, I'll give you a niiiiice cold can of Tab 2! How's that sound?

Docter perked up.

DOCTER: Yes! Nice. I'll win.

PEPSIE: Alright, the game is called- "Try to untie yourself from this chair while we man the cash registers."

DOCTER: :D

With Docter secure in the back room, Pepsie and Moooon operated the registers. All of their clients were getting steadily more demanding, asking desperately for more than one can at a time, their skin and features looking similar to how Docter looked.

RANDOM INDIGO: H-hey can I get an extra ten cans? For my ten roommates? A horrible accident made them unable to walk, so-

PEPSIE: One per customer! Next.

MOOOON: Jesus, did you see his eyes? They looked almost red.

Pepsie winced, handing another can to a customer.

PEPSIE: I know... This is the worst.

MOOOON: Yeah. I can't believe we got all these people addicted.

PEPSIE: Oh. I was going to say it's the worst because if we'd known it was addictive, we could have planned for the spike in business.

Moooon punched Pepsie on the arm before cashing another patron out. They appeared to be able to chat between customers without them hearing, since the small space was already so full of chattering patrons.

PEPSIE: That's to say- Y-yeah, it sucks and is totally bad that this happened.

MOOOON: I'm going to check on Doc.

Moooon leaned back, peeking into the back room. Docter was still thrashing cheerfully around, trying to escape the ropes tying him to his seat.

DOCTER: This is great! I think I'm almost out, Moooon!

MOOOON: You keep fighting, buddy.

PEPSIE: Still tied up?

MOOOON: Yeah. Not bad at tying knots.

PEPSIE: You know it.

For a moment, the line died down, leaving them alone. A lull between rushes. Neither of them relaxed, but took the chance to speak freely.

MOOOON: I'm also worried about the drones. We didn't plan on being in business for this long, if word got back to the empress...

PEPSIE: Jeez. The Empress doesn't give a shit about what's going on on this old rock. Alternia's light-years away. I bet she's not even as scary as people say.

MOOOON: You've never lived there, Pep. Alternia is... Hell. You've had it easy here. The Carbonatan sun doesn't fry you as soon as you step outside. The drones are all old and worn. You don't have to worry about being culled for-

Moooon caught herself.

MOOOON: -Being different.

PEPSIE: Whatever. What I'm saying is- She's not around so she can't tell we're taking advantage of her brand. So relax!

Pepsie was right, Moooon reasoned. She was far from The Condesce, now. Far, far... Though not far enough for her liking.

PEPSIE: Here they come.

Sure enough, another rush burst in. Moooon and Pepsie didn't speak, leaving each alone with their thoughts.

===

The sky over Carbonata was brown in the daytime. A dull weak color, its faraway sun lazily shining in a tiny dot in the heavens, looking down on the lush, verdant Carbonatan surface.

Before Lusii and trolls had colonized centuries ago, it was a planet of nothing but plants. All life was trees, bushes, flowers, seaweed- Not an animal to be found. A bit cold, but otherwise perfect for farming Alternian crops. As such, Carbonatans were raised on a plant-based diet, much more slender than their Alternian ancestors.

One such farm was tended to by one such slender Carbonatan troll, an older rustblood, looking out over his fields as he rocked in his chair, dozing off as the weak sun rose. The shine of it on his skin made him sleepy, feeling its warmth heat him up like a lizard on a log. As he shut his eyes, though, there was a wooshing sound, and all of a suden the light was snuffed out. In his irritation, the farmer lifted his hat from his eyes, but once he saw what had blotted out the sun, his blood ran cold.

Far above the Carbonatan surface was a sight few trolls saw in their entire lives on the planet. A sight that hadn't been seen in decades of sweeps.

The imposing, sleek crimson of a ship from Alternia. An imperial cruiser had come to visit. The farmer, as well as the rest of the planet that saw that crimson specter felt their blood of all colors run cold.


	5. Frying Pan, Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carbonata gets an Imperial Inspection. Docter experiences some changes.

Just like Alternia, Carbonata had a ruler. She called herself "Her Imperious Carbonation," taking her namesake after her one and only idol: Her Imperious Condescension, First Matriarch, Uniter of Alternia, and Empress Apparent- Without the fancy epithets. Most people called her "Carby," a name she despised, or, worse, her REAL name, which she despised even more.

HUBERT: Well, well, if it isn't Soffte Drinqe.

Hubert Yachtt sneered at the Carbonation with a snide little smirk. Soffte hated this little pug-man.

CARBY: And if it isn't Hyu-bert Yatch.

Hubert scoffed, adjusting his monocle with one hand and his tie with another.

HUBERT: It's pronounced "Oo-bear Yat," you insolent little cretin.

HUBERT: It appears this little backwater is still a cesspool of tomfools and vagabonds. Harrumph!

Carby squinted at the minuscule seadweller. He actually said "harrumph."

CARBY: Whatever.

CARBY: Why are you here?

It was a salient question. Hubert had descended from an imperial ship unannounced, the crimson vessel still hanging in the skies above them.

HUBERT: Simple.

HUBERT: The Condescension in her vast glory has deemed it necessary to re-allocate any redundancies. In other words-

HUBERT: We're inspecting your planet to make sure you're still productive enough to keep around.

Carby's eyes lit up.

CARBY: She- She's inspecting us!?

Carby squealed excitedly. This was clearly not the reaction Hubert expected.

HUBERT: Well- Yes, but. That's not a good thing! You're being considered for termination! Did you not hear me?

The Carbonatan Empress laughed, clapping the inspector on the back.

CARBY: My colony? Get terminated? You're crazy, you schmuck! My planet is going great!

CARBY: In fact, I bet the Empress sent you here to see how WELL I'm doing! I KNEW she'd re-open commerce eventually!

Hubert adjusted his monocle.

HUBERT: You seem overconfident. Isn't it true your sugar mines have dried up?

HUBERT: Your only export off this infernal rock is Faygo. It's the only reason we haven't blown you to smithereens already. If you don't have sugar, how do you produce soda?

Her Imperious Carbonation winked.

CARBY: Trade secret.

Truth was, Her Imperious Carbonation didn't know where the sugar came from. She... Didn't really know anything about her own planet. She didn't run things in the least, in fact, preferring to socialize with her fellow highbloods and play golf with the land-dwellers. Despite the fact that she was the "Empress," the title was in name only- In reality, she was just a wannabe socialite. Still. That didn't keep her from being smug.

Hubert sighed.

HUBERT: Very well. I will have my drones inspect the planet's surface. I trust it is appropriate to conduct citizen interviews?

Carby waved her hand.

CARBY: Do whatever you want. And talk to that old geezer at the Faygo factory if you want the skinny on soda production.

CARBY: Eee! I can't believe it. If The Empress sees how well the colony is going, she'll DEFINITELY be impressed. I wonder how big my medal will be...!

Hubert, thoroughly confused, opened up a walkie-talkie like device.

HUBERT: Begin the planetary inspection.

From the ship high above, the drones began to descend upon Carbonata. Hubert turned back to Her Imperious Carbonation.

HUBERT: For your sake, Soffte, I hope you have nothing to hide.

===

MOOOON: Quick, hide!

Moooon slipped beneath the counter back at the Tab 2 shop. They'd closed particularly early, today due to increased demand for their product. As a result, increasingly distraught addicts were congregating outside of the shop.

PEPSIE: They're getting pissed off, lately. Some of them are showing withdrawal signs.

MOOOON: It'll all be fine. I talked to my guy yesterday and the antidote will be here tomorrow. Then we'll do what we said.

PEPSIE: Right. Reveal that we addicted them and that they'll have to pay extra for the cure.

MOOOON: No! What?! That wasn't our plan!

MOOOON: We were going to say we have a new formula and put the antidote in it at normal price!

MOOOON: I think it's shitty we're charging at all.

Pepsie shrugged.

PEPSIE: It was worth a shot.

PEPSIE: How's Docter doing?

Moooon checked over the counter to see if any angry patrons were watching. She carefully opened the door to the back room, peeking in. As usual, Docter sat tied up in his chair. He looked haggard and exhausted, panting slowly, delirious to anything around him. His skin was a sickly pale, almost white.

MOOOON: Not good. My doctor said that withdrawal hits hard. Docter's been without the sauce for five days, now.

Moooon rejoined Pepsie laying low underneath the front counter.

MOOOON: Apparently, back when the sugar mines were big, foremen would give their employees this kind of sugar to keep spirits up. It was cheap to make and based on a plant that grows here on Carbonata.

PEPSIE: Ew. Plant based sugar? That's pretty gross.

MOOOON: I know, right?

MOOOON: Anyway, the mine that used it got addicted, and when supply dried up, the withdrawal was so bad that the miners mutinied and destroyed the base.

Pepsie winced.

PEPSIE: Let's just hope it doesn't come to that.

MOOOON: There's more, too. The mutineers ran off into the tundra and were never heard from again.

PEPSIE: They were probably eaten by the lusii up there.

MOOOON: That's probably it. But there's this crazy theory that the lusii who live up in the wastes WERE the miners after the sugar transformed them.

PEPSIE: That's probably just some Irving legend.

MOOOON: Haha, yeah, prob-

MOOOON: Wait, what did you say?

PEPSIE: You know. Irving Legend, the guy who came up with all the crazy stories.

MOOOON: What? That's not the phrase. It's "urban legend," like a legend that comes up from cities.

PEPSIE: Pretty sure it's Irving Legend. Haven't you read "Irving's Legends?"

MOOOON: That's not a real book, you-

Their argument was interrupted by a sudden deafening crack from the back storeroom. Moooon and Pepsie exchanged a look and stood to check, but before they could, there was a building-shaking crash.

PEPSIE: You don't think Docter got free, do you!?

Moooon wrenched the backroom door open. Their worst fears were realized- The chair Docter had been tied to as well as the ropes lay in shambles, and behind that, the backdoor hung lazily from its hinges. Docter had broken free in a big way.

PEPSIE: Well, shit.

===

After repairing the door (shittily) with tape, the duo looked around for Docter. The city was pretty large and Docter's trail was easy to follow since in his wake he seemed to leave bent trash cans and broken fencing. A number of terrified onlookers seemed to have seen him, too.

RANDOM INDIGO: I s-saw him go that way, screaming about sugar!

MOOOON: Shit. Looks like he's going back to your storage, Pepsie.

Pepsie clutched her head, wracking her brain. This was now officially out of hand- Docter was insane and loose, about to destroy her stores of Tab 2, and she had a whole population addicted and equally angry at her. This stupid plan wasn't worth this!

PEPSIE: Why didn't he go for the cans in the display window? Those are still full!

MOOOON: It doesn't matter, we need to get to your storage locker NOW.

RANDOM INDIGO: Hey, are you two going to have more Tab 2 later, I-

They ignored the meek indigoblood, hastily running towards Pepsie's storage garage on the edge of town.

As they arrived, something clearly was wrong. Trolls were running away from the storage company and a resounding metallic banging could be heard from the vicinity. Pepsie and Moooon were both deadly nervous as they dashed around the corner.

Instead of their friend, however... The duo saw something else, something far worse. 

Slamming its claws into the metal door of Pepsie's lot was a massive, shaggy beast, its fur and skin pearly white, its eyes the same blue of Docter's blood. In an instant, the two girls connected the dots, speaking at once.

MOOOON: Docter!

PEPSIE: Docter!!

The shaggy beast whirled to look at them. It had the appearance of a bear with ram's horns, about half the size of a grizzly but no less deadly with claws that scraped down the storage door. Instead of speak, it roared mightily, causing the duo to wince.

PEPSIE: W-we have to stop him! Tie him up, we-

PEPSIE: Moooon! You have to use your powers!

Moooon balked, swallowing.

MOOOON: I- I can't! Against my friend!?

For once in Pepsie's life, Moooon looked... Scared.

PEPSIE: We have to do SOMETHING! No one is watching, I'll- I'll cover for you, just knock him out or something!

Now was clearly not the time for indecision. Moooon, with shaking hands, raised her arms out to Bear-Docter. Bear-Docter lunged, leaping at the duo, claws outstretched, but... In midair, it halted, immobile. A trickle of lime-green blood leaked from Moooon's nose as she held the beast with her psychic powers. Pepsie's eyes widened when she saw the lime-green substance trickling out.

PEPSIE: You-

MOOOON: Shut up!

With that, Moooon clasped her hands together, which released Bear-Docter onto the ground with a thud, fast asleep.

PEPSIE: You-!

Moooon's eyes were wide and wild, hastily wiping the blood from her nose onto her arm, then her shirt, erasing the tell-tale trickle too late. Pepsie was already in awe.

Before Pepsie could say a word, Moooon ran off, leaving a snoozing beastly Docter in Pepsie's care.

===

After the fight, Moooon ran back into town, stopping only once she was alone, at a park a few blocks from the Tab 2 shop. She panted, leaning on a tree for support.

Stupid Pepsie. This was all HER fault. Her stupid plans getting Moooon into trouble again, like she didn't already know that bitch was bad news. Moooon struck the tree with her fist, causing a rough impact in the bark.

Moooon sighed. No- It wasn't Pepsie's fault. After all, Moooon was the one who'd suggested something more law-abiding, AND she'd gone along with it. No one was to blame, it was just a shitty situation. Moooon slumped over into a sitting position, flopping down to lay in the green grass of the park.

She'd planned to lay there and decompress for a moment, but what she saw staring into the sky made her suddenly sit bolt-upright. It was an Imperial Vessel.

The Condesce's forces were on Carbonata.

Without thinking, Moooon leapt to her feet, pumping her legs beneath her as she ran for the Tab 2 parlor. She had to take down the marketing before the drones saw- Before...

Her heart made a final thud in her chest before it dropped into her stomach.

There, in front of the Tab 2 store, were two drones and an adult seadweller.

Carbonata, much like Alternia, had drones, of course. They facilitated reproduction and kept the peace, but drones on Carbonata were faded and lethargic. Old and in disrepair, on their last legs. Seeing one was a rare occurrence and while they were still imposing, they were lazy. They were absolutely nothing like the sleek grey drones accompanying the inspector. Moooon hastily hid behind the corner of a building, watching the proceedings with wide eyes.

HUBERT: Tab 2? Really now. Tsk. Imbeciles. Drones- Let's see what's inside.

The two drones yanked the door open, breaking the lock on the door. Outside, the citizens of the city were watching curiously. After all, it wasn't every day someone from Alternia dropped by.

Once inside the building, Hubert plucked a can from the Tab 2 display pyramid, sipping it.

HUBERT: A cheap mockery. Far too sweet.

HUBERT: You there.

The seadweller singled out someone in the crowd.

RANDOM INDIGO: Y-yeah?

HUBERT: Who owns this heretical storefront?

Moooon grit her teeth. It was all over. The city would sell them out in an instant.

RANDOM INDIGO: W-we don't know who supplies it. They just set up shop here one day.

HUBERT: Describe them.

Moooon put her face in her hands. This was totally fucked. She had to tell Pepsie before they walked back into an ambush and got their asses executed.

RANDOM INDIGO: Geez, I-

HUBERT: Come now, describe them! I don't have all day you little backwater cretins!

RANDOM INDIGO: Well, one was... Really tall. With um, an afro. And horns in a wavy shape?

Moooon looked up, eyes wide. He... Wasn't going to sell them out? He was lying for them? She didn't even know this indigoblood's name! To Moooon's shock, the rest of the town nodded in agreement.

HUBERT: Very well, then. Just so you all know- You've been swindled. This beverage is not endorsed in any way by Her Imperious Condescension. Drinking any more will be considered treasonous.

RANDOM INDIGO: Oh! Well... We knew that, sir, it's just good soda.

Moooon was gobsmacked. They... KNEW? Relief and frustration swirled in her- Relief that they weren't on some Imperial cull list and frustration that Pepsie could have just sold normal soda and they would have made just as much. Moooon watched as the drones carried off the Tab 2 reserves, punching holes in the shop windows and removing the signage. After that, she slipped away to find Pepsie.

They might have been saved by unearned goodwill, but they still had myriad problems.

===

Hubert Yachtt was pleased with himself. The little "Tab 2" stunt clearly demonstrated that these Carbonatans could not be trusted. On top of that, he'd seen counts of hemo-mixing and a failure to enforce class boundaries. This would be enough to get this planet wiped out.

To any readers at home wondering "does Hubert have some backstory with the planet?" or "why does he have it out for Carbonata?" I'm afraid there's no complex answer. He's just a major dill-weed.

Still. He had to inspect the whole planet before he made his report, and he had the Tab 2 vendor to find and apprehend. Tall with an afro... It sounded distinctive enough. He'd continue the search tomorrow- For now he'd return to his ship to sleep. On the way to the ship, which had now landed in a field some ways away, he passed a curious sight. An indigo-blooded troll with a bear lusus strapped to a wagon, carrying it along the road.

HUBERT: You there. What's your name?

When Pepsie spotted the inspector, she froze, eyes bulging in their sockets.

PEPSIE: It's, uh.

PEPSIE: Nunyah Galdrn.

HUBERT: Is this your lusus, Nunyah?

"Nunyah" looked down at the bear.

PEPSIE: Yeeeees??

Hubert narrowed his eyes.

HUBERT: You should take better care of your custodian. Honestly.

Hubert walked away haughtily, hands behind his back, accompanied by his drones. "Nunyah" hurried down the road.


	6. A Visit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Docter is on the mend, Moooon and Pepsie get a visitor...

PEPSIE: How's Docter?

Pepsie and Moooon had been holed up at Docter's house for the past day. On the bright side, Moooon had acquired the sugar-antidote, which meant Docter was on the mend, but that did nothing about the greedy townsfolk chomping at the bit for more Tab 2. Moooon, who was still nervous, looked up at Pepsie.

MOOOON: He's fine. Still out of it, but he's not a big scary monster any more.

PEPSIE: That's a plus, I guess.

Pepsie and Moooon hastily looked away. They still hadn't addressed the situation back at the storage facility. They'd moved the supply of Tab 2 to Docter's house for the time being. The tension in the air was thick, but neither girl wanted to break it, so they sat in silence. Finally, they both spoke up in unison.

MOOOON: Did-

PEPSIE: Hey-

They each paused, then spoke again at the same time.

MOOOON: No, go-

PEPSIE: What did you-

Their minds strained under the awkwardness, but the silence was thankfully shattered by a knock on Docter's door.

MOOOON: I'll get it-!

PEPSIE: I'll get it-!

They both stiffly rose to their feet and went into the foyer, but unfortunately for them, the figure standing behind the doorway was someone neither of them wanted to see.

HUBERT: Are either one of you Docter Peppor?

Both girls' eyes shot open wide. They didn't speak, but they knew who this was. The Imperial Inspector. They both stiffened, blocking him when he tried to enter the premises. The drones standing further back on Docter's lawn crossed their arms.

HUBERT: My word- How rude! I'll have you know I am an inspector here from Alternia proper. Honestly- You backwater colony dwellers-

Hubert muttered something to himself, Pepsie hastily spoke up.

PEPSIE: My apologies, your Oh So Noble Lordship!

Pepsie bowed deeply in an overwrought expression of fealty.

PEPSIE: I am Docter Peppor, and this is indeed my humble abode, but I unfortunately must inform you good, KIND sir-

Pepsie paused, looking to Moooon for help.

MOOOON: There's uh.

MOOOON: A gas leak. Smells terrible. Wouldn't want you to, uh- Get your nose all fucked up.

HUBERT: Eugh. Miss Peppor, please tell your servant to use less uncouth language in the presence of her betters.

Moooon looked like she was about to deck the guy, but Pepsie interjected.

PEPSIE: Aha!

PEPSIE: My SERVANT will make sure to mind her manners! Wait inside, SERVANT, and check on-

HUBERT: Hold on a moment, here.

Pepsie and Moooon froze. The drones flexed as Hubert leaned closer.

HUBERT: I've seen you before. Aren't you Nunyah Galdrn? I saw you carrying your lusus yesterday.

Pepsie couldn't speak, so Moooon hopped in.

MOOOON: You must mean the-

Moooon grit her teeth.

MOOOON: -"mistress's" twin. No doubt being lax about the care of her bear lusus!

Hubert rolled his eyes.

HUBERT: You all look the same to me. Whatever. We'll sit on the porch, it's not as though I care to sit in that hovel for long.

PEPSIE: Oh, um, right.

Pepsie stood on the porch while Hubert sat on the porch swing, on a pillow one of the drones handed to him. She watched Moooon go back into the house with a terrified expression.

Inside, Moooon shut the door, leaning on it, breathing out. Imperial drones. REAL ones, not just cantankerous old Carbonatan ones! Fuck. She breathed out through her nose, wiping sweat from her brow, rushing up the stairs. Good. The Tab 2 was still in place in Docter's bedroom. But...

MOOOON: FUCK.

Docter was nowhere to be found, his bedsheets askew. Moooon clutched her hair, looking around. Where had Docter gone?! They hadn't heard a crash, so he hadn't escaped, and the front door was the only exit, so Docter HAD to be inside the house. Moooon hissed, keeping her voice down.

MOOOON: Docter?!

As Moooon searched inside, Pepsie stood outside, impersonating her friend. She'd impersonated PLENTY of people before, but never under such pressure. This guy was the real deal, snappy clothes, manicured nails, and a carapice that was a perfect graphite, unblemished by Carbonatan sunbathing.

HUBERT: Miss Peppor, I understand you are the owner of a building in this city's business district. I found that it was being used to peddle illicit substances.

PEPSIE: Whoa. Really?

Pepsie did her darndest to sound surprised.

HUBERT: It's true. No doubt some trashbloods angling for a quick buck.

PEPSIE: Wow. Sounds like an ingenious plan!

HUBERT: Ingenious? Hardly. The lunkheads were operating in broad moonlight. How foolish can one get?

Pepsie resisted reacting to that blow.

PEPSIE: I'm surprised the police didn't have anything to say about it.

HUBERT: Yes, well, I spoke to those incompetents at your ridiculous troll-run law enforcement station and they said that the permits were in order.

HUBERT: Honestly. This is why law enforcement should be run by hulking automatons. Having trolls run their own police is absolutely asinine.

PEPSIE: Right, well, um- I guess I'll tell 'em to stop?

Pepsie smiled unconvincingly.

HUBERT: Too right you will. You'll also tell me their names so I can have them culled on the spot.

Pepsie swallowed, forcing herself to remain composed despite her hammering bloodpusher.

PEPSIE: Absolutely, sir. I'll go and, ah. Check my records! Shouldn't take but a moment.

HUBERT: Fine.

Hubert reclined on the porch swing, snapping his fingers. One drone handed him an Alternian magazine entitled "The Spiffing Gentletroll." Pepsie hastened inside.

MOOOON: Docter? Where are- Pepsie! Is that little rat-man gone?

PEPSIE: No?

PEPSIE: Wait, where's Docter?

Moooon shrugged desperately. She'd checked the kitchen, the back lawnring, even the rumpus room. Pepsie crumpled her hat in her hands, throwing it on the floor.

PEPSIE: Moooon, we are seriously FUCKED. He's asking for the name of the people who were running the shop. I have to give him NAMES. I- Usually I could sell someone out at a time like this, but he's going to CULL them!

This was bad. Sitcom-bad, but with the added bonus of impending death. Neither of them knew what to do.

PEPSIE: Did you check the basement?

Moooon fidgeted.

PEPSIE: What's wrong?

MOOOON: I don't like his basement. Plus Docter said never to go down there.

PEPSIE: Well now's kind of an extenuating circumstance!

Pepsie grabbed the hulking limeblood down the hall to the trapdoor, but Moooon recoiled.

MOOOON: See? It's locked! Better not head down there, right?

PEPSIE: Stop being a baby and blast it off its hinges with your crazy mutant powers!

MOOOON: M-mutant...?

Pepsie flinched. Usually her insults didn't hurt Moooon so badly. Looks like her blood color was a sore subject.

PEPSIE: I didn't mean-

MOOOON: No! No, it's okay. M-maybe we should talk about this. What happened back there.

PEPSIE: Right, but right now we're in the middle of-

DOCTER: WHOOO-EEEE.

The duo froze. Docter stood in front of the front door in a bathrobe, holding a cup of coffee in one hand and a breakfast grubcake in the other.

DOCTER: That's the last time I fall asleep wearing all of MY clothes!

Docter flung the front door open obliviously.

PEPSIE: Fuck!

MOOOON: He thinks it's morning!

They ran to the front door, but it was too late. They heard Hubert's voice flustered and loudly from the front porch.

HUBERT: What in the name of-?!

HUBERT: Good LORD, man!

DOCTER: Huh...?

Docter looked good. Robust. Back to his normal self, with a new lust for life in his eyes. Which was good. The bad part was how he hadn't tied the front of his robe, allowing his bits free to flow in the wind. Normally, this would have been fine in Docter's very private front lawnring, but today, there was a stuffy aristocrat on his porch.

DOCTER: Whoa!

Docter hastily tied the robe before Pepsie and Moooon could see, blushing cerulean.

HUBERT: You- You gadblasted SAVAGES! Ugh! I'll have to scrub out my very lookspheres!

Hubert spat, shielding his eyes as he stomped down the lawnring path towards his scuttlebuggy, his impassive drones attending him.

HUBERT: Just- Get me those names and deliver them to my temporary hive, Peppor! For Gods' Sakes-!

Blustering and blushing, Hubert drove away.

DOCTER: Haha, okay! Bye!

Moooon and Pepsie watched stunned as Docter turned back towards them, sipping his coffee.

DOCTER: Oh, morning, pals!

DOCTER: Who was that fella? He seemed nice.

Docter put his hands on his hips, smiling, shocked when Moooon and Pepsie both hugged him tightly.

MOOOON: Doc!

PEPSIE: You're okay!

DOCTER: Wh- Yeah! W-was I not before?

Moooon and Pepsie didn't speak, they just hugged him, overwhelmed and pleased to see their buddy.

DOCTER: Gosh, I had a really fucked up dream. I was a big cholerbear or something and I REALLY wanted Tab. I think I'm done with that stuff- Wasn't even good anyway.

Pepsie and Moooon relinquished their friend, the reality flowing back to them at the mention of their nefarious concoction.

PEPSIE: That's- Good, Docter. It's not good for you anyway.

MOOOON: Also, that wasn't a dream.

Though shocked, Moooon and Pepsie explained the past day's goings-on, getting the poor befuddled and berobed chap up to speed. Presently, they sat in Docter's living room.

DOCTER: So we have to give that guy names we don't have. Yikes...

PEPSIE: Yeah, yikes about sums it up.

MOOOON: And we've got to distribute the antidote to the town or they'll all turn into beasts like you.

DOCTER: Sheesh... I was running a rampage.

DOCTER: How'd you guys stop me, anyway? I don't remember that part. I just remember not being able to move.

Moooon sank in her seat a little, prepared to explain, but to her surprise, Pepsie spoke up instead.

PEPSIE: Moooon. She was- Amazing. She used her powers.

MOOOON: Pep...?

"Amazing...?" Pepsie thought Moooon's powers were "amazing?" Moooon looked at Pepsie a little in awe. "Amazing" and not "freakish?" For the first time in Moooon's life... She felt BETTER due to something Pepsie had said. And more importantly- Felt good about her own powers. Moooon was shaken from this stupor by Docter.

DOCTER: Oh. By the way.

DOCTER: You two didn't go into my basement, right?

Moooon and Pepsie shook their heads.

DOCTER: Oh! Haha, good.

Docter pulled a large knife from his robe's sleeve, setting it down on the table next to him.


End file.
